In the last 2 years, my life has changed significantly. I've changed careers multiple times during what some might call and early mid-life crisis.
Two years ago I was sitting in a cubicle answering calls from pretentious fucktards who felt entitled to have their ass kissed. I wasn't very good at kissing ass, so I decided to suck dick instead.
My last year of employment was the longest year of my life. 2011 was a year of brutal challenges and life altering decisions. It was the best and worst year of my life.
Just shortly before walking off of my job in December 2011, I had walked out of an abusive marriage, and began my journey into the world of BDSM. Today, I am a very proud and crazy kajira (slave girl). My Master is the love of my life and my inspiration to change my future completely. His faith in me is the reason I am still alive.
Just shortly before meeting my Master two years ago, I was sitting in the parking lot of my apartment complex with a gun in my hand. A phone call to my Sister to say good bye was the last conversation I ever wanted to have with anyone, but somehow she made me realize that my life was worth living, even if I had to do it alone. Not one for being alone, I spent every free moment I had on Craig's List looking for strange men to scratch a desperate itch. You can read more about how I met my Master in previous blogs.
So much has changed since then. I've gone from being a corporate slave to an amateur porn star to a curvy courtesan, and now a full time slave. One might think this has been a downward spiral, but i beg to differ.
My dreams have come true. This is what I have always wanted to be. My need to feel needed and the desire to make people happy is something that has given me so much joy and sometimes heartache during such a tumultuous life. I love and hate with every fiber of my being and it has damn near ruined my life.
I suffer from a long family history of mental illness and it has been a roller coaster ride since the day I was born. Both Parents were negligent, but did the best they could under the circumstances. I haven't always been so understanding about it. But, a new revelation and a new diagnosis for my own mental illness has really opened my eyes. I am one crazy kajira, but a very wise one.
I am now diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Long story short, I am a victim of years of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. But, I am still here and still surviving. My life as a slave has literally saved my life and given me more purpose than any other role I've held in my 38 years.
Previous partners in my life have joked about me needing a guardian. I have a history of making stupid and impulsive decisions. Extreme mood swings will do that to you. I always thought I managed them quite well, but that was the irrational side of me trying to make sense of my actions.
I am now living with a very loving and supportive partner who holds me responsible for those actions, but tries to help me cope with the repercussions of them. He encourages my personal growth and development. Even if it means falling on my face to learn how to get back up again.
Simple daily chores are not so simple for a woman like me. I have very little memory and a crowded mind that limits multi-tasking of any kind. No employer would want to hire me because my moods swing so abruptly and intensely that I am not easy to manage at all. I need to be able to work at my own pace and being a slave to a loving Master allows me to do that.
My spreadsheets are now for our household finances, not call quality evaluations. My morning routine is preparing him for his day, not crying in the shower because I can't face my employees. being home during the day no longer makes me sick to my stomach because I've called off work for a mental health day. I'm here cleaning a home that I am proud of and taking care of those little things in life that we all take for granted.
I am living now. A real life with a real partner who knows the meaning of devotion and unconditional love. Being a slave doesn't have to be something inferior. I feel stronger, more confident, and more cherished now than I've ever been. This is the life I have chosen for myself and I hope it never ends.
